Those profile questions suck. I mean, what's with the stupid drop down menus? Single, Single and not looking, married, long term relationship... is that it!? What about single and desperate or single and bitter. What about married and looking or long term relationship hell? Don't they get a vote?Crone
Single, bitter and stupid may be the best category for me. Thinking it would be better to be busy so I have less time to be bitter I volunteered to host the public Samhain ritual for Sault Ste. Marie Pagan Association at my house. I still think it will be cool but now I wish I could find a clone in a hurry. The house needs a lot of attention before the ritual and, as the Crone; I can't just park my butt in a corner and dispense seeds in my usual black poly-cotton threads.
Granted, what ever I wear I am the consummate Crone. Bitter, old hag with a jolly evil cackle to boot. As a group we decided to dedicate the rite to Ceridwin, which would have been more suited to a younger, more hopeful hag Shria. (And for the record my son is NOT ugly.) Left to my own devices I think I'm much more the Morrigan type. I could see myself making an advance on a warrior only to be rejected then pick on his bones after he falls in battle, cackling all the while. Okay, maybe that isn't a very flattering picture of my beloved Patroness but, it gives the correct impression of me -- single and bitter.
Then again, when I think of him I am more the Ereshkigal type. However, he is definitely not a Nergal type. He is responsible (unwillingly) for only my own devastation, not for war, pestilence, and devastation in general. I also can't imagine him breaking a piece of bread to be with me let alone the seven gates of Heaven. It is conceivable that he may have broken a few things to get away from me, though... like my heart.
Ritual
So I get to be the Crone and dispense nuggets of wisdom along with a few Pomegranate seeds. That will be cool. I just hope I can get the place, my robes and my lines in order before then.
I'll just keep looking forward to the Witches Ball afterward. That should be a total blast.
First off, sorry you seem to be so down. It saddens me that someone who appears to have so much going for them would be so unhappy so often. You deserve much better. I think you can and will find it too.
You DO have an awful lot going for you, I hope you realize... You're clearly intelligent and articulate. You have friends, loved-ones, and are part of a larger community. You're thoughtful, caring, skilled, and competent professionally speaking. Plus, I've seen a couple of photos of you and you're quite attractive as well. I know people without any of these attributes and yet they still manage to find some sort of fulfillment. It seems to me that you might be poisoning the well of your own happiness, as it were, with your self-described bitterness, loneliness, and an irrational belief system (I'm not referring to your religious beliefs at all here, by the way...just what you believe about yourself and your life). No one else in the world can be responsible for your happiness. If you're waiting for someone to come along and fix things so you can feel valuable, happy, and deserving of love, then you're going to be waiting for a long time (the rest of your life). I'm here to tell you that you do have a lot to offer and can be a fulfilled and happy person, but if you don't believe it then no one else will either. You have some difficult questions to wrestle with. Why are you only allowed to be happy if someone else lets you? Why is your life not meaningful and rewarding to you if you don't have someone else to share it with? What is REALLY important to you? Why are you not okay with yourself, by yourself? I think that the time that you have alone is a huge gift, if you allow it to be. I don't think you really want be dependant on another person for your happiness. Furthermore, most people don't want to feel like they are personally responsible for the happiness of their partner/spouse. I don't know anyone who is attracted to bitterness, world-weariness, desperation, and depression. If you take care of yourself first, more than likely your personal relationships will take care of themselves. Judging by the few things I've seen of you, you'll probably be beating them off with a stick.
In any case, I hope for the best for you and have all the confidence in the world that you can find what you're looking for. Best wishes to you and yours in all your future endeavors.
-NObodyNOWHERE