Â§hria's Spot

I respect faith, but doubts are what get you educated -- Wilson Mizner

Doubts
1. I doubt that my friends were ever really friends, especially one of them
2. I doubt that my ex was ever a friend, or a loyal lover

Education
1. I learned that it is dangerous to trust anyone with your weaknesses. I should never have revealed to my friend of 15 years how devastated and weak I was left by the failure of my marriage of 13 years. No matter how matter how many ways she posed as a person who cared I should never have revealed to her how much I disliked my ex's tendency to try to rule my world.

2. I learned people often have more than one ulterior motive for asking questions. I should never have told my ex why I didn't want to be her friend any more. No matter how many times or how many ways he asked I should never have revealed to him how much I disliked my friend of 15 years' tendency to try to rule my world.

Realizations
1. They are together now so there is no doubt I am betrayed on many levels. But then, I doubt them telling each other what they know of my feelings would have any real impact on my happiness so let them eat cake and live to rule each other's world. Maybe that way they will stop trying to rule mine.

2. Someone else I mistook as a friend is a better friend than I knew by the way he hurt me. The example he provided by keeping me at arm’s length, which speaks louder than his advice to find another friend, teaches me to keep the world at arm’s length rather than let myself get close to anyone.

More doubts
1. I doubt anyone can be trusted.
2. I doubt intimate interactions of any sort are really needed.

I can hardly wait to see what there is to be learned next. Bring it on.