Dark times This is a picture of my girls, taken the last time I saw another person. December 25, about 2 p.m.
I miss my kids. They are spending time at their dad's because I will be taking them to Mexico in a few weeks.
I haven't been able to reach Michele. She was too tired and sleeping on Sunday. Answering machine today. Honestly, I was too depressed to call yesterday.
I had nightmares when I could finally sleep last night and feel groggy today.
Maybe I shouldn't be alone now. Maybe I should go out and see people. I'm afraid to miss a call, though. And I just don't have the strength to put on my face.
More waiting.
I feel like a piece of shit. This isn't about me. It's about her. She is the one suffering. She is the one about to leave this world. Why am I thinking about how I feel about it? I guess I'm just not dealing with this very well.
I'll wait a little longer now. Then, I'll put on my face and go take a picture for work. Then, I'll come home and snuggle with my dog, get drunk and wait some more.
No point to go over there until I'm called. I'll only be in the way. It's time for Michele and Tony to have some private time. They love each other so much. This is the most unjust, grossly unfair thing to have ever happened!
If not for the grace, beauty and innocence of my daughters, as well as the strength, intelligence and integrity of my son, I might believe that the Goddess is a sadist.
Les Becker, at
Tue Dec 27, 08:18:00 p.m.